You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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