so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
