Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
