brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
