if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
