his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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