Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
