I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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