this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
