I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
