Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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