Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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