I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
