my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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