End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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