The maid of honor just puked.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize