I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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