Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
