Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"

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(734): View more from Michigan

operation "beaches make me wet" is a go

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(204): View more from Manitoba

The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.

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(925): View more from California

Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden

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(919): View more from North Carolina

its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five

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(951): View more from California

I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.

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