i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
