I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
