Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
