Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
