R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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