and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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