Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
