It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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