I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
