My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
