If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
