You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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