im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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