My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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