Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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