After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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