He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
