I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
