don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
