the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
