come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
