I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
