Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
