Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
