Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I had to cum in my sink.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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