puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
