I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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