proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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