sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Of course I have a pirate flag
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
