I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
