Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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