dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
