She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize