HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
