a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
