Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
