im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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