I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
