apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
