Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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