can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
So. Much. Porn.
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