god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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