Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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