I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
