dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
