did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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