Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
